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(Translation practice) Hantavirus pneumonia: why in some cases it could be deadly

(I'm practicing translation by translate some random texts from electronic newspapers. I appreciate all the corrections and advice. Thank you)

Hantavirus pneumonia: why in some cases it could be deadly
The disease produces in the country more than 100 cases per year and even though the long-tailed colilargo is the principal vector for the virus, the outbreak that develops in the south presented the particularity of person-to-person transmission. In the most serious cases, the lack of oxygenation and the circulatory collapse put in danger the patient life.

(Source: infobae)

Comments

  • @D10go_301060

    ...the outbreak that develops in the south presented...

    Up to here, the text has all been in the PRESENT. The sudden PAST SIMPLE presented is very confusing. It seems to me that you you are writing about
    A. VERB FORMS
    1. GENERAL TRUTHS
    * The disease produces in the country more than 100 cases per year
    * the long-tailed colilargo is the principal vector for the virus
    For these, PRESENT SIMPLE is normal
    2. SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED BEFORE NOW
    * the outbreak ... presented the particular ...
    The outbreak is has not finished, so use PRESENT PERFECT
    the outbreak ... has presented particular ...
    3. CURRENT SITUATION —POSSIBLY
    * the outbreak that develops in the south
    * put in danger the patients life
    If this is an ongoing process, then use PRESENT PROGRESSIVE
    the outbreak that is developing in the south
    are putting in danger
    Alternatively
    If the process is complete, then use PRESENT PERFECT
    _ the outbreak that has developed in the south_
    have put in danger

    B. ARTICLES
    * the lack of oxygen and _the circulator collapse_
    Because these are general not specific symptoms don't use the

    C. WORD ORDER
    * The disease produces in the country more than 100 cases per year
    You need a good reason to put something between the VERB and its OBJECT.
    I don't think there's a reason here, so I'd prefer
    The disease produces more than 100 cases per year in the country
    * put in danger the the patient life
    With two-word verbs like put in, the rule is different.
    You need a good reason not to put the OBJECT between the first word and the PARTICLE.
    There isn't a good reason here, so it should be
    put the life in danger

    C. VOCABULARY
    * presented the particularity of
    present in a medical sense is used for e.g. the patient presented [symptoms]
    particularity is rare, except in the plural your/his etc particularities = 'distinguishing personal characteristics'
    Even when used in the singular, I don't think we'd say or write the particularity of X.
    There are various possibilities e.g.
    is distinguished by
    put in danger
    As I've said, there are problems of word order.
    In any case, the one-word verb endanger is better in this style.

    D. EXPRESSING POSSESSION
    * the patient life
    You must use either of or an APOSTROPHE
    Since you've chosen the SINGULAR form life, it must be
    the patient's life
    or
    the life of the patient
    As a generalisation, you could also write
    patients' lives
    or
    the lives of patients.
    In this text you could write simply:
    may endanger life

  • Thank you very much for the very detailed corrections and advice. It has been very useful to me :)

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