can you help me to check my grammar in this article

In Samvat 1876, Maha Vad 1 (Monday 31 January 1820), during the early morning, Shreeji Maharaj was sitting in the front part of the corridor on the first floor of Dada Khachar’s courtyard, in Gadhada. He was dressed entirely in white clothes. Before him, sat an assembly of munis and disciples from various regions/places.
Addressing the munis, Shreeji Maharaj asked, “One who is utmost intellectual (kushagra-buddhi)attains Brahm [God]. Does this intellectual refer to one who is competent in worldly matters, or not? Or does it refer to one who has deep understanding of the Shastras and the Puranas, or not?”. The munis attempted to answer the question but it remained unanswered . Then, Shreeji Maharaj answered, “Many are too wise to conduct the worldly matter, yet they do not make any effort for their own salvation. Others are pertinent in understanding the Shastras, Puranas and the Itihas. Yet, they too make no efforts towards their own salvation. Thus, they should not be considered utmost intellectualist. In fact, they should be considered to be numb intellectualist . Those who make an attempt for their own salvation may have little intelligence , but in fact are utmost intellectualist. Those who are attentively conducting worldly matters, may have a keen intelligence,yet are in fact a numb intellectualist. Upon this there is a verse:
Yā nishā sarvabhutānān tasyān jāgarti sanyami ।
Yasyān jāgrati bhūtāni sā nishā pashyato muneah ।।
This verse means that in the context of worshipping God, the intellect of all worldly people is in the darkness similar to the night . In other terms, they do not worship God. Devotees of God are awake to the worship of God. In other terms, they remain continuously engrossed in the worship of God. The intellects of all embodied living beings remain awake towards experiencing the pleasures of the five senses, i.e. sound, touch, sight, taste and smell. Thus, they remain engrossed in experiencing these sensual pleasures. The intellects of God’s devotees are in the dark in context of the pleasures of these senses. In other terms, they do not indulge in such sensations. Therefore, only those who stay attentive for the attainment of one’s salvation are utmost intellectualist. Beside them,all others are fools.”

Answers

  • In Samvat 1876, Maha Vad 1 (Monday 31 January 1820), during the early morning, Shreeji Maharaj was sitting in front of the first-floor corridor of Dada Khachar’s courtyard, in Gadhada. He was dressed entirely in white clothes. Before him, assembled a group of munis and disciples from various regions.
    Addressing the munis, Shreeji Maharaj asked, “One who is utmost intellectual (kushagra-buddhi)attains Brahm [God]. Does this intellect refer to the one who is competent in worldly matters, or not? Or does it refer to one who has a deep understanding of the Shastras and the Puranas, or not?”. The munis attempted to answer the question but it remained unanswered. Then, Shreeji Maharaj answered, “Many are too wise to conduct(rephrase this sentence using words like practice) the worldly matter, yet they do not make any effort for their own salvation. Others are pertinent(the word pertinent doesn't seem like it is correct here) in understanding the Shastras, Puranas and the Itihas. (use neither and nor to avoid repetition)Yet, they too make no efforts towards their own salvation. Thus, they should not be considered utmost intellect. In fact, they should be considered to be a numb intellect. Those who make an attempt for their own salvation may have little intelligence(Replace with words like knowledge, wisdom,etc.), but in fact are utmost intellects. Those who are attentively conducting
    (Practising) worldly matters may have a keen intelligence, yet are in fact a numb intellect. Upon this there is a verse:
    Yā nishā sarvabhutānān tasyān jāgarti sanyami ।
    Yasyān jāgrati bhūtāni sā nishā pashyato muneah ।।
    This verse means that in the context of worshipping God, the intellect of all worldly people is in the darkness similar to the night. In other terms, they do not worship God. Devotees of God are awake to worship of God. furthermore, they remain continuously engrossed in the worship of God. The intellects of all embodied living beings remain awake towards experiencing the pleasures of the five senses, i.e. sound, touch, sight, taste, and smell. Thus, they remain engrossed in experiencing these sensual pleasures.**** The intellects of God’s devotees are in the dark in context of the pleasures of these senses****(can't comprehend). In other words, they do not indulge in such sensations. Therefore, only those who stay attentive for the attainment of one’s salvation are utmost intellectualist. Except them, all are fools.”

  • I think some of the sentences really need some paraphrasing. Please go through the text again and make necessary changes like restructure the sentences, remove redundant phrases and words etc.

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